Relapse

Well, today was pretty much a bust. And Im feeling the effects of it, sadly.

We woke up around 9ish, and Kevin's mom made us waffles, bacon, sausage, toast and eggs. I had w waffles (with syrup), 2 toast (buttered), 2 bacon, 1 sausage and 1 egg, and coffee. (I didnt have a measuring spoon, so I did my best to estimate 1.5tbsp sugar). Then I started feeling sorry for myself. I can't believe what a huge difference food and exercise makes on my mood.

I put on some regular clothes and felt gross and awkward in them (bloated, I'm sure.) I sat there moping until I finally said "do what you know is going to make you feel better." So I got up and put on workout clothes. I instantly felt better. Then I got Pepper all strapped into her stroller, and we sorta walk/jogged around the big yard a few times. I didn't break much of a sweat, but it was nice to get out.

I went with Barbara to the grocery store and she got me soymilk, clif bars and some museli (I cant believe Vidor carries Bob's Red Mill and Elgin doesnt, ugh!). I was hungry when we got back. Yesterday I had blended my protein shake and brought it in the car, then put it in the fridge here. So I took that out to drink, but it tasted awful!! So I chucked it. Luckily, I still had the other half of that turkey sandwich from Starbucks, so I had that, some sliced apples, a frappucino and a cookie.

I felt pretty good about that, until I went into the kitchen to help Barbara make stuffing and turkey, and had another cookie. And ... another. I quickly grabbed a water to sip on to keep myself from snacking. That was doing the trick, right up until Jeremy and Kim came over. I realize now that I must be a social eater. or at least that seeing others eating unhealthy, and being around it, encourages me to do it. I wasn't hungry whatsoever, but I ate another cookie, some of a turkey deli sandwich, and some doritos.

A few hours later we headed to Krissi's for the Christmas Eve party. Of course there was tons of food. Here's a list of what I ate:

-3 triangles of chicken/cheese quesadilla
-3 chocolate chip cookies
-1 PB cookie
-1 brownie square
-6 lemon cakey things (looked like quiches)
-4 bacon-wrapped mini-sausages
-1 mini-sausage
-A few bites of various appetizers
-1 bite of key lime pie
-1/2 can root beer

This was throughout the few hours we were there, but still. It's a ton of food. I was too distracted to actually savor them and eat less. It's definitely a skill I need to work on.

So now we're back to Barbara's, and I feel just GROSS. I'm exhausted and feel greasy and bloated. It's incredible how just a few days of clean eating really changes you. I really need to get a game plan together for when we come to visit. Nothing is going to change here, so I need to make the effort. If it means constantly chewing on gum, so be it. It's not fair to keep doing this to myself, and it's never worth it! Food is so temporary, and then the pleasure of it is gone in an instant. So we keep eating to keep experiencing it. It's just stupid.

Tomorrow I will tell Barbara that I'm making myself oatmeal. And I brought protein powder, and will have that as a snack. I need to do what I know will make me feel the best!!