I wanted to make a quick post because today was such a fantastic day. I slept in with Pepper until 8:30, then had oatmeal squares cereal with soymilk and PB. I did G15 (chest, buns & thighs) while she napped.
Lunch was around 12:00, and was a WW tortilla with chicken and avocado, and a veggie bag. Then I went on a run with the stroller for awhile. My legs felt like lead! Probably from doing the thigh workout earlier. But it felt great to get out.
I made a protein shake around 3:00, which was just AWESOME. I adore my protein shakes. We had dinner around 7:00, I made meat pie, and we had salad. I need to calculate what the meat pie was, but without it I've only had 1200 calories today!! I definitely WANT more, but I probably don't need it. I think I've been just eating way too much, even with my milk making calories. I'm going to experiment with a 1700 calorie diet and see if that helps my weight loss.
I really enjoyed cooking today, and I need to make more of an effort to be in the kitchen instead of being lazy! I'm excited to have another great tomorrow, and happy that I didn't wait until Monday to start having a good week!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Fatty Fat Fat
I feel terrible about myself today. I decided to weigh myself even though I'm not supposed to until Feb 10. I figured that I should at least have lost a couple pounds.
I'm up 1.3lbs. I am frustrated and angry. I'm verging on tears. If I'm truly burning an extra 600-800 calories, including the deficit I'm giving myself, the pounds should be melting off. But they're not. I HATE myself. I'm not going to give up, but I'm definitely going to wallow in my pity.
I miss 2008 and 2009. I had it figured out. I had so much confidence. I lost 50lbs, was working out all the time, had my eating sorted out. Everything is so much more complicated with a baby. Even if I go to bed early that doesn't mean she won't wake up. Then I'm exhausted. And I'm constantly hungry from pumping milk. It's all extremely exhausting. I want so badly to love myself and have a good life, but Pepper takes so much effort. I wish my life could be about me instead of her. I want to work on myself. I should never have gotten pregnant before figuring myself out first. I love her and am glad she's part of my life but I'm terrified I'll never find the time to fix me.
I'm up 1.3lbs. I am frustrated and angry. I'm verging on tears. If I'm truly burning an extra 600-800 calories, including the deficit I'm giving myself, the pounds should be melting off. But they're not. I HATE myself. I'm not going to give up, but I'm definitely going to wallow in my pity.
I miss 2008 and 2009. I had it figured out. I had so much confidence. I lost 50lbs, was working out all the time, had my eating sorted out. Everything is so much more complicated with a baby. Even if I go to bed early that doesn't mean she won't wake up. Then I'm exhausted. And I'm constantly hungry from pumping milk. It's all extremely exhausting. I want so badly to love myself and have a good life, but Pepper takes so much effort. I wish my life could be about me instead of her. I want to work on myself. I should never have gotten pregnant before figuring myself out first. I love her and am glad she's part of my life but I'm terrified I'll never find the time to fix me.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Back In the Saddle
Im back, and I feel awful today.
Things had been going great, and I was only not posting because I was trying to work around my new schedule. But all last week I did my Gilad, and worked out at the gym, and managed to go for a short run one day. We're still working out the kinks.
However, this week is off to a rocky start. Kevin's family was here over the weekend and of course we all pigged out on junk food. It definitely could have been worse, but I had greasy, spicy food, and milk, all of which made both me AND Pepper totally uncomfortable. Even though I exercised multiple times today, I just can't get past the funk that bad food gives me. I should know better by now!!!
So now I'm just going to focus on cleansing my body, and staying active. I HAVE to remember that Pepper eats what I eat, and she can't say yes or no. I have to make the right choices for BOTH of us.
I'm going to make my journal writing more of a priority as well. I want to feel super accomplished like I did in some of my earlier posts. I want that feeling again. I gotta make it happen!
Things had been going great, and I was only not posting because I was trying to work around my new schedule. But all last week I did my Gilad, and worked out at the gym, and managed to go for a short run one day. We're still working out the kinks.
However, this week is off to a rocky start. Kevin's family was here over the weekend and of course we all pigged out on junk food. It definitely could have been worse, but I had greasy, spicy food, and milk, all of which made both me AND Pepper totally uncomfortable. Even though I exercised multiple times today, I just can't get past the funk that bad food gives me. I should know better by now!!!
So now I'm just going to focus on cleansing my body, and staying active. I HAVE to remember that Pepper eats what I eat, and she can't say yes or no. I have to make the right choices for BOTH of us.
I'm going to make my journal writing more of a priority as well. I want to feel super accomplished like I did in some of my earlier posts. I want that feeling again. I gotta make it happen!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Exhaustion
We hired a nanny to come M-F from 2-6 and she started Tuesday. Things have been kind of up in the air since then. The very first thing she taught me was how to get Pepper to nap during the day, and Pepper IMMEDIATELY got the hang of it. So I suddenly found myself with at least 2 free hours in the morning. Ive spent my free time cleaning and organizing the house, which means that I'm almost constantly on my feet. My body is NOT used to this at all, and by the end of the day I am utterly exhausted.
I haven't really been on one of our runs this week, and I hate it. Ive been trying to do my Gilad workouts (did G15 Arms & Core Foundations today), but Im doing them midday instead of in the morning because A) with her napping more during the day, Im not quite sure if she'll keep sleeping long enough for me to pump, exercise AND make breakfast and B) Im not yawning my way through the workouts.
Tomorrow Im going to make a few changes to my day:
- Im going to try a different breakfast (oats are great and healthy, but variety is healthy too!)
- Im going to spend my morning break doing exercise, cleaning and logging/planning meals (I find that with being so tired lately, Im not eating as healthy)
- Im going to have our nanny come at 1-5 so she can watch Pepper while I pump
- Im going to study while I pump
- Im going to go to the gym while the nanny is here
That was my original goal for getting a nanny, and I did want to stay home initially so we could get into a routine, but Im trying to branch out. I went to the grocery store today by myself! The nanny is great with Pepper, and I could even see us being good friends!
This Saturday, Kevin and I are having our first REAL date since Pepper was born!! We were originally going to do dinner and a movie, but we decided to get pizza, rent a movie, and have a few baby-free hours just by ourselves! WOO!
I haven't really been on one of our runs this week, and I hate it. Ive been trying to do my Gilad workouts (did G15 Arms & Core Foundations today), but Im doing them midday instead of in the morning because A) with her napping more during the day, Im not quite sure if she'll keep sleeping long enough for me to pump, exercise AND make breakfast and B) Im not yawning my way through the workouts.
Tomorrow Im going to make a few changes to my day:
- Im going to try a different breakfast (oats are great and healthy, but variety is healthy too!)
- Im going to spend my morning break doing exercise, cleaning and logging/planning meals (I find that with being so tired lately, Im not eating as healthy)
- Im going to have our nanny come at 1-5 so she can watch Pepper while I pump
- Im going to study while I pump
- Im going to go to the gym while the nanny is here
That was my original goal for getting a nanny, and I did want to stay home initially so we could get into a routine, but Im trying to branch out. I went to the grocery store today by myself! The nanny is great with Pepper, and I could even see us being good friends!
This Saturday, Kevin and I are having our first REAL date since Pepper was born!! We were originally going to do dinner and a movie, but we decided to get pizza, rent a movie, and have a few baby-free hours just by ourselves! WOO!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Misty
Howdy. Today was pretty great. Woke up, pumped, did G15 Hips & Thighs (ow), and Shoulders. I managed to do more reps this time (rather than stopping to rest)! Breakfast was oatmeal and coffee (Im going to stop drinking coffee, as I think its aggravating my blood sugar. I don't really need it anyway).
Pepper woke up around 8:30 again, and today I was determined to start getting her on a schedule, so I wrote down her eating/sleeping habits today!
For a snack I had a Clif bar and 1oz raw almonds. I'm going to try making a batch of my own granola bars because they'd be cheaper & healthier!
Lunch was Santa Fe Chicken Soup, WW bread, celery/carrots/cuc, a persimmon and a square of dark chocolate.
Misty, our new babysitter, came over at 2. Pepper had already taken a decent nap by that time, and I was able to get TONS done. With Misty there to watch Pepper, I caught up on laundry and some organization. I had a protein shake awhile later.
I continued working around the house until around 5:30 when Kevin got home. It had been raining all day, and he really didn't want me running on the wet streets with my bad ankle, so we just did a brisk walk around the neighborhood. Dinner was salad, salmon, 2 WW buttered bread (shoulda had one), brown rice/black eyed peas, and ice cream with baked cinnamon apple for dessert. I had a dark chocolate square awhile later.
When I hooked up my bodybugg, I was pleasantly surprised to see that even without my run today, I STILL burned around 2300 calories (not including milk-calories). My goal for tomorrow is to definitely get my run in, maybe some weights too, and to try to lower my calorie intake more!!
Pepper woke up around 8:30 again, and today I was determined to start getting her on a schedule, so I wrote down her eating/sleeping habits today!
For a snack I had a Clif bar and 1oz raw almonds. I'm going to try making a batch of my own granola bars because they'd be cheaper & healthier!
Lunch was Santa Fe Chicken Soup, WW bread, celery/carrots/cuc, a persimmon and a square of dark chocolate.
Misty, our new babysitter, came over at 2. Pepper had already taken a decent nap by that time, and I was able to get TONS done. With Misty there to watch Pepper, I caught up on laundry and some organization. I had a protein shake awhile later.
I continued working around the house until around 5:30 when Kevin got home. It had been raining all day, and he really didn't want me running on the wet streets with my bad ankle, so we just did a brisk walk around the neighborhood. Dinner was salad, salmon, 2 WW buttered bread (shoulda had one), brown rice/black eyed peas, and ice cream with baked cinnamon apple for dessert. I had a dark chocolate square awhile later.
When I hooked up my bodybugg, I was pleasantly surprised to see that even without my run today, I STILL burned around 2300 calories (not including milk-calories). My goal for tomorrow is to definitely get my run in, maybe some weights too, and to try to lower my calorie intake more!!
Monday, January 3, 2011
January Progress Pics
Apologies for my absence. I allowed myself to get out of the habit of not only blogging, but logging my meals. tsk tsk!! A summary of my weekend is that I ate too much and moved too little. I felt extremely lethargic over the weekend. It's amazing that even though I sleep in more on the weekends, I always end up feeling exhausted because I don't eat right or exercise!
Today was sort of a fresh start. I definitely could have done better eating-wise, but my main focus was my meeting with a potential babysitter who I ended up LOVING. Meeting with her did wonders for my situation. She even showed me how best to get Pepper to nap, and she NAPPED! For an hour and a half!! And that was just the first day of meeting this woman, haha.
Anyway, I woke up and pumped, did G15 Strength & Cardio, and Compound Strength. I had oatmeal and coffee for breakfast. Once Pepper woke up and ate, we headed to the grocery store. We are attempted to finish off most of the stuff in our pantry, so we've really only been buying the staples: bread, fruit, veggies, milk and meat. Sure saves on grocery money.
Once we got back I had a turkey sandwich, a persimmon and a square of 70% dark chocolate. I didn't eat again until around 3:30 when I had a Clif bar and some raw almonds.
I was starving once Kevin got home, and was actually feeling kinda shaky, like my blood sugar was off. We made some Macaroni Grill Chicken Alfredo and collard greens for dinner (I felt MUCH better after eating - I think I need to be eating more frequently!). I had another square of dark chocolate an hour or so later. We didn't run today, which I regret. Kevin got home late, and I was still getting used to Pepper sleeping for so long. Tomorrow I'm going to keep a log of her eating/sleeping habits to try and get a schedule. Misty (the babysitter) is starting tomorrow, so I might go for a run while she is with Pepper! I'm very excited :D
On the first, I took progress pictures. I may actually switch to the 10th since that's Pepper's "birthday" and I've gotten into the habit of taking a photo with her during my progress pics (so as I get smaller, she gets bigger!). So that gives me a little extra time before the next photo shoot. I only lost a few pounds, but I can already see a difference. I look less bloated!!
For reference, this was me in the VERY beginning!
Today was sort of a fresh start. I definitely could have done better eating-wise, but my main focus was my meeting with a potential babysitter who I ended up LOVING. Meeting with her did wonders for my situation. She even showed me how best to get Pepper to nap, and she NAPPED! For an hour and a half!! And that was just the first day of meeting this woman, haha.
Anyway, I woke up and pumped, did G15 Strength & Cardio, and Compound Strength. I had oatmeal and coffee for breakfast. Once Pepper woke up and ate, we headed to the grocery store. We are attempted to finish off most of the stuff in our pantry, so we've really only been buying the staples: bread, fruit, veggies, milk and meat. Sure saves on grocery money.
Once we got back I had a turkey sandwich, a persimmon and a square of 70% dark chocolate. I didn't eat again until around 3:30 when I had a Clif bar and some raw almonds.
I was starving once Kevin got home, and was actually feeling kinda shaky, like my blood sugar was off. We made some Macaroni Grill Chicken Alfredo and collard greens for dinner (I felt MUCH better after eating - I think I need to be eating more frequently!). I had another square of dark chocolate an hour or so later. We didn't run today, which I regret. Kevin got home late, and I was still getting used to Pepper sleeping for so long. Tomorrow I'm going to keep a log of her eating/sleeping habits to try and get a schedule. Misty (the babysitter) is starting tomorrow, so I might go for a run while she is with Pepper! I'm very excited :D
On the first, I took progress pictures. I may actually switch to the 10th since that's Pepper's "birthday" and I've gotten into the habit of taking a photo with her during my progress pics (so as I get smaller, she gets bigger!). So that gives me a little extra time before the next photo shoot. I only lost a few pounds, but I can already see a difference. I look less bloated!!
For reference, this was me in the VERY beginning!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Fighting PPD
Today I hid in the tub while sobbing uncontrollably and devouring a King Size Kit Kat bar. Needless to say, it was not a great day.
I woke up feeling exhausted. I practically slept through my pump. I tried to motivate myself and said I'd just do the G15 Core Challenge, but I spent most of it just laying there and wishing I could go back to sleep. I had my oatmeal and coffee.
Pepper woke up and I fed her and played with her for awhile. She started to show signs of hunger pretty quickly, so I fed her again and we both fell asleep. She woke briefly, but I pulled her onto my chest and we slept for maybe an hour and a half? I kept waking up to my stomach growling loudly, but I didnt feel hungry. We got up around 12:15 and I had a Clif bar and banana nut bread slice before trying to get some work done around the house.
I had some unidentifiable candy piece from my Grandma before I pumped again.
For lunch I had an open-face turkey sandwich again, with celery/carrots/cuc and an orange. By this time, Pepper had been okay. I couldnt really leave her alone for long, and it got progressively worse. I was feeling bummed already about skimping on my workout, and her bad behavior was making it worse. (I realize in hindsight that I need to dress the part, as they say. I do so much better on days where I put on my favorite workout gear and sports bra. Then Im ready for anything!! I need to make an effort to always do this.) I ate some peanut brittle to settle my nerves.
By the time Kevin got home, I was miserable. She was crying, I was crying. She was tired but wouldnt sleep. I felt terrible. My PPD was flaring like crazy. I started feeling worthless and like I'd never be happy again, that I'd never get the body I wanted, blah blah blah. Kevin took her right away, and I ran to the kitchen and sobbed into the freezer. I grabbed the Kit Kat bar, a big blanket, and hid in the guest bathroom tub in the dark, crying and eating chocolate. I felt like a cliche, but after eating 440 calories of chocolate, and crying it out, I actually felt a lot better. I excused my poor eating and went back to Kevin and Pepper.
I got hungry awhile later and Kevin made me some leftover Texas Ranch Soup, and a slice of buttered bread. Then he brought me a little vanilla ice cream. I think I was still feeling emotionally unstable. I ate a flour tortilla and a handful of dark chocolate chips. Then I had some chips and salsa. By then my insatiable need to eat ebbed. I KNOW Im an emotional eater, and I plan to fix that, but I allowed myself that moment of weakness. I even took off my bodybugg, and didn't really bother to track my calories.
I do feel better now. I've been dealing with a plugged duct since last night, so a lot of things converged to kind of make a shitty day. But Im meeting with a potential babysitter tomorrow who would be watching Pepper for 3-4 hours a day, so Im extremely excited for that.
I woke up feeling exhausted. I practically slept through my pump. I tried to motivate myself and said I'd just do the G15 Core Challenge, but I spent most of it just laying there and wishing I could go back to sleep. I had my oatmeal and coffee.
Pepper woke up and I fed her and played with her for awhile. She started to show signs of hunger pretty quickly, so I fed her again and we both fell asleep. She woke briefly, but I pulled her onto my chest and we slept for maybe an hour and a half? I kept waking up to my stomach growling loudly, but I didnt feel hungry. We got up around 12:15 and I had a Clif bar and banana nut bread slice before trying to get some work done around the house.
I had some unidentifiable candy piece from my Grandma before I pumped again.
For lunch I had an open-face turkey sandwich again, with celery/carrots/cuc and an orange. By this time, Pepper had been okay. I couldnt really leave her alone for long, and it got progressively worse. I was feeling bummed already about skimping on my workout, and her bad behavior was making it worse. (I realize in hindsight that I need to dress the part, as they say. I do so much better on days where I put on my favorite workout gear and sports bra. Then Im ready for anything!! I need to make an effort to always do this.) I ate some peanut brittle to settle my nerves.
By the time Kevin got home, I was miserable. She was crying, I was crying. She was tired but wouldnt sleep. I felt terrible. My PPD was flaring like crazy. I started feeling worthless and like I'd never be happy again, that I'd never get the body I wanted, blah blah blah. Kevin took her right away, and I ran to the kitchen and sobbed into the freezer. I grabbed the Kit Kat bar, a big blanket, and hid in the guest bathroom tub in the dark, crying and eating chocolate. I felt like a cliche, but after eating 440 calories of chocolate, and crying it out, I actually felt a lot better. I excused my poor eating and went back to Kevin and Pepper.
I got hungry awhile later and Kevin made me some leftover Texas Ranch Soup, and a slice of buttered bread. Then he brought me a little vanilla ice cream. I think I was still feeling emotionally unstable. I ate a flour tortilla and a handful of dark chocolate chips. Then I had some chips and salsa. By then my insatiable need to eat ebbed. I KNOW Im an emotional eater, and I plan to fix that, but I allowed myself that moment of weakness. I even took off my bodybugg, and didn't really bother to track my calories.
I do feel better now. I've been dealing with a plugged duct since last night, so a lot of things converged to kind of make a shitty day. But Im meeting with a potential babysitter tomorrow who would be watching Pepper for 3-4 hours a day, so Im extremely excited for that.
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