I feel terrible about myself today. I decided to weigh myself even though I'm not supposed to until Feb 10. I figured that I should at least have lost a couple pounds.
I'm up 1.3lbs. I am frustrated and angry. I'm verging on tears. If I'm truly burning an extra 600-800 calories, including the deficit I'm giving myself, the pounds should be melting off. But they're not. I HATE myself. I'm not going to give up, but I'm definitely going to wallow in my pity.
I miss 2008 and 2009. I had it figured out. I had so much confidence. I lost 50lbs, was working out all the time, had my eating sorted out. Everything is so much more complicated with a baby. Even if I go to bed early that doesn't mean she won't wake up. Then I'm exhausted. And I'm constantly hungry from pumping milk. It's all extremely exhausting. I want so badly to love myself and have a good life, but Pepper takes so much effort. I wish my life could be about me instead of her. I want to work on myself. I should never have gotten pregnant before figuring myself out first. I love her and am glad she's part of my life but I'm terrified I'll never find the time to fix me.
No comments:
Post a Comment